Stadi

Hey everyone... Oppss.. I mean, assalamualaikum :)

Well, its Thursday. And only now I have opened a book to study. KONONNYA.

So, selama 6 hari yang lepas, saya tak sentuh buku langsung. Read it again.
TAK. SENTUH. BUKU. LANGSUNG

Hebat tak? Hebat kan? Hebat kan? -.-
Pffftttt. Jangan nak perasan sangatlah Ainul oii. Klau time exam nnti kau boleh jawab dengan betul, tu baru hebat. Tapi klau tak study & tak boleh jawab, takde gunanya, ye dok?

So, today I tried to study/revise Modern Physics. But ......... Can't concentrate

Don't know why. But I just. Can't. Concentrate.

Gambar2 dibawah ini hanyalah sekadar hiasan. Terima kasih

27th December

27th December........ Lagi sebulan umurku bakal mencecah 20-an. Bakal memasuki puluhan. TIDAAAKKKK

Aku bakal menjejaki peringkat hidup yang lebih dewasa, yang lebih serius, yang lebih matang. Dan semestinya yang lebih stressful.

Ya Allah.... Berikanlah aku dapat menempuh kehidupan aku yang bakal datang ini dengan mudah. Berikanlah rezekiku semakin melimpah luah dan aku semakin bahagia. Amin

Rebellious

Ya Allah... What is this feeling? I can feel my old self trying to emerge again. No! I don't want that to happen

My rebellious side is trying to take over me. Suddenly I have the urge to swear, to leave my prayer, disobeying Islamic laws, depressed. And I'm full of anger!

Allah... Why am I so angry all the time? I don't want the old me again. I want the new me. The new me that I've met in matrics. The new me that I love!

I don't want to be in darkness again. No, not anymore. Sekali pun dah cukuplah... I don't want to go through that all over again

I have a friend

Saya adalah sorang kawan ni. Dia ada blog

Buttttt.... Dia dah lama tak update blog dia. Lama sangat. Saya nak tauuu ceritanya. Saya nak tau perkembangan dia sbb saya rindu dia. Haha

Last dia update awal bulan ni. But that's it. Lepas tu dah xde update dah

AWAK, Tolonglah update blog awak ye? Saya rinduuuuuuu *winkwink* ;)

Week 14th :D

Yeayyyy! Sekarang dah week 14! Which means, that its our last week before study week! Our last class for all subjects. Weeeeeee

So far, week 14th ni oklah. Better than the previous weeks. WAYYY BETTER. And I hope it will stay that way. In Shaa Allah :)

So, English, Cell Biology, S&T, APK and Modern Physics class has ended. Sekarang ni yang tinggal just class Population Biology, Lab and tutorial S&T je.

Week ni agak memenatkan sikitlah sebab asyik ada test je. Sangat penat sebenarnya. But nak buat apa kan? Dah lumrah hidup sebagai seorang student. Memang tak boleh lari dari test/exam

Tetiba rasa macam budak nak amik SPM balik je sbb banyak sangat test. Haiihhh :/

Hey y'all

Rasanya mcm dah lama tak post. Hikhik

Al maklumlah... Tak tau lah nak post apa lagi.

But just a random question, pernah tak korang rasa yang maybe somewhere out there, ada orang stalk korang? And by stalking, I mean diorang nak tau perkembangan korang melalui fb, twitter etc... Bukannya stalker as in stalker gila-gila sampai orang nak mandi pun tak senang. Hahahaha... Okay, lawak hambar -.-

When you're sad .........

Think that Allah knows the BEST

ALLAH knows what is best for you. Eventhough sometimes you don't like it, or you think you can't wait any longer, just have faith. Have faith in Allah.

Allah always know what's best for you :)

Home is where our heart is

Hye guys. I'm home! Saje je nk bgtau. Hehehe

Kata orang, "Home is where your heart is"

Well, since my heart is with my family, then I can safely say that I am home.

Oh my have on earth! I miss you ever so much :D

Depressed

Macam mana nak hilangkan perasaan depressed ni?

Lately, saya makan banyak. And saya rasa macam makin banyak saya makan, saya jadi lebih depressed. No wonderlah orang kata orang gemuk selalunya akan cenderung jadi more depressed than normal people.

I need to run. I need to jog. I need to get things out of my chest!

Terperap!

NAK BALIKKKK!

Seriously rasa nak balik. Terkongkonglah hidup kat sini. Rasa terperap je

Klau ada duit, takpelah. At least boleh lepak or belanja Atin keluar. Ni plak, duit pun haprak. Memang duduk jelah dalam bilik ni. Termenung. Bersendirian. Tak. Buat. Apa-apa.

Kerja? Kerja memanglah ada. But tau tak kebosanan asyik kena mngadap report/assignment je? Tetiba dah rasa stress balik. I feel like I'm in KMPh all over again. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Luahan Hati yang Tiada Kesudahan

Saya tak tau lah kenapa saya sering dipinggirkan, sering ditinggalkan

Sejak dari bangku sekolah lagi, I'm always forever alone. Saya xde pun kawan yang betul-betul nak lepak dengan saya. Ya, bila kita tweet ckp psl xde kawan, semua pun terus nak hotsentap, rasa mcm kita tak appreciate diorg, terus kata they will always be at our side. But masalahnya, pernah ke diorg memahami aku?

Yes, I admit yang I pun bukanlah kawan yang baik. But why? Kenapa saya tak boleh jadi kawan yang baik? Sbb saya sering dikelilingi oleh kawan-kawan yg berperangai sebegitu. Kawan dimulut, orang asing dihati.

And yes, I admit actually saya lebih prefer kawan-kawan matriks drp kawan convent (kecuali Mimie. Dia je kwn convent yg best)

So here, I am trying to start a new life. Making new friends. But apa diorang buat? For the first few months, semua nmpak indah. Then after that, barulah saya mngerti erti persahabatan

Saya penatlah. Penat sangat asyik ditinggalkan. Asyik saya je yang berlari mengejar korang. Korang mcm xde effort nak tunggu saya. We're suppose to be friends. Sepatutnya korang kenalah inform or ajak semua org so that xde sesiapa yang terasa. Ni tak. Dah berbulan sebenarnya aku perasan tapi buat bodoh je. Dah berbulan aku makan hati tapi biarkan je. Dah berbulan aku ........

Haish, suka hati koranglah weh. Seriously, aku dah PENAT.
PENAT MENGEJAR KORANG

Hope one day, you'll realise this

Week 12th

Last week was the 12th week. What can I say about that week?

ITS BULLSHOOT, I TELL YA!

With the assignmentsssssss, lab reportsss, problemsss, it was one problematic week for me! ~.~

And this incoming week is gonna be the 13th week.

13. What a beautiful number. But then again, it is the week where I have to submit all my works and have to sit for a test. So, nah. Eventhough it is a beautiful number, but I can tell you this. Its gonna be a hell week for me.

THIS YEAR'S DECEMBER SUCKS!

Spiritless

Woke up with this uneasy feeling. What is this feeling anyway?

Dreamt of softball again. Just now. This afternoon. I think its because before I went to sleep, I've read a post on Kurshiah's group about the girls hockey team made it to the semi

My dream? Although I want it to happen so bad, but I knew it won't. Because dream is just a dream. It won't become a reality. And sometimes, I forget that :/

Anyway, CONGRATS TO KK3's GIRLS HOCKEY SQUAD!

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!

Quote

My favourite quote for today is,

Be too busy to have time for regrets
- Angela Wright

Dear Stalkers,

Macamlah aku ada stalkers. Haha

Anyway, if you're one of my stalkers, I'll recommend you to read my archive post from 2010 and you'll see the difference in my writing skill then and now.

Thank You :)

Hati ini ...... Kosong.

" Me and my heart, we've got issues "

Ya Allah, tak taulah kenapa lately saya rasa kesunyian sangat.

Tiba-tiba, saya dapat merasakan kekosongan dalam hati ni. Dulu, saya mengisi kekosongan ini dengan membuat benda yang saya suka spt main game, main softball

But since video game and softball dah xde, saya rasa sunyi sangat :(

And saya tak tau, kenapa saya rasa attached dgn dia. Kitorg xde chemistry pun, tapi rasa mcm nak dia jumpa saya, nak dia perasan saya, nak dia tegur saya.

Maybe I'm crazy, perhaps. But honestly, its killing me inside!

Kenapa Allah wujudkan perasaan mcm ni? I don't want to go through this again. Sudah cukuplah sekali ku terseksa, cukuplah sekali ku berada dalam kegelapan. Aku tak mahu perkara mcm ni berulang

Kenapa perasaan ini wujud? Kenapa perasaan ini wujud? Kenapa perasaan ini wujud?

Tidur tak cuci kaki

Itulah dia nama post utk hari ni ye.

Tulah akibat sebelum tidur, tak basuh kaki. Kan dah dapat nightmare semalam. Tetiba mimpi kena dera lah, mimpi ada ular lah, mimpi hampir kena culik lah. Hahaha

Yg mimpi psl dera tu, saya & beberapa org terperangkap kat dlm 1 rumah and kitorg try nk escape dari .....
Entahlah, mak tiri kowt sbb kitorg mcm ada pertalian.

Then time kitorg nk escape tu, ada yg dah terselamat, ada yg masih berada dlm rumah. Me? I'm in the middle ;)
Hampir nak panjat pagar, then, BAM.
Tetiba nmpak muka mak tiri tgh gertak nak keluarkan ular dari satu lubang.

Masa konfrotasi tu, mak tiri tu adalah sedikit sebanyak psycho aku sikit. Hehe. Then, ntah dari mana, tetiba ada segerompolan lelaki berbadan sasa sambil pegang tali nak ikat mangsa, datang. Dlm mimpi tu, aku sempat lari balik msuk rumah and cepat2 kunci pintu. Mak tiri yg ada kat luar tu terus kena grab dgn penculik, lepas tu kena ikat. And then, Allahualam.... Sbb saya terjaga. Hehe

Masa bangun tu dah nak pkl 3 am. Check phone, trnampak notification dr En Sham. Rupanya ada budak accident pkl 11 lebih mlm smlm.

So, adakah mimpi saya dan notification psl budak tadi ada kaitan?

Allahualaammm

Kawan ke?

Saya ada cerita. Saya adalah seorang "kawan" ni, yang saya tak rasa dia macam kawan.

Hati dia sangat keras. Luaran nampak macam lembut, tapi dalaman hanya Allah sahaja yang tau apa masalah dia.

Masalah saya dengan dia, dia suka buat muka batu lately. Dan saya seriously tak suka orang yang buat muka batu. Dahlah saya ni jenis panas baran, but saya pendamkan je. Nak buat apa kan, dah orang tu tak perasan muka dia muka ketat.

Taulah kau tu popular kan? Tak perlu lah nak ketaattt sangat muka tu

Tak kisah lah weyhh. Aku boleh survive klau hidup bersendirian pun. In shaa Allah. Mungkin ada hikmah kau tunjukkan sifat sebenar kau. Supaya aku tak tertipu lagi dengan orang macam kau

Its true you know, what people say

LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING

Mimpi lagi?

Yes, malam semalam mimpi lagi. But this time mimpi kena paksa masuk tarik tali untuk SUKMUM.

Apa kejadahnya? Saya pun tak pasti.

Tapi dalam mimpi tu, saya & beberapa orang kena paksa masuk pertandingan tarik tali. And saya kena duduk depan sekali. Our leader yang menjerit suruh tarik tali tu, adalah tak lain tak bukan, ----

Faham-faham jelah. Haha

Then, lepas saya masuk, tetiba kitorg menang (ingat, ni hanyalah mimpi semata-mata). Leader pun puji kitorg. Lepas tu saya dikeluarkan jap, ganti dgn orang lain. Tak ingatlah group mimpi saya menang ke tak, but yang saya ingat, leader mcm start mnjerit and start masukkan saya balik dlm group. Tarik punya tarik, boleh rasa kepayahan menarik tali tu walaupun ianya hanyalah sebuah mimpi, last-last kitorg menang.

Then, saya pun terjaga.
THE END :)

It's a sign, perhaps?

You know, I had a weirdest dream last night. Well, its not the weirdest... But just... Ermmm... Weird?

Its like this, I was asleep and had a beautiful dream. I can't recall what it was, but I remember that I was happy for a moment. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. A really REALLY FAMILIAR voice

She told me to get up!

Her : Ainul! Bangun cepat! GAME DAH NAK START

Then, I was awake. Just like that. I check my phone to see what time is it and it was then that I saw her comment notification on Facebook. I think it was around 3 am or 4.30 am something

And what I'm trying to say is, that there's a saying says if you're dreaming around midnight, let say around 3 am to 5 am, it is possible that the dream will come true or the dream is a sign.

But for me, I think it's just a plain coincidence. Maybe I overthink about the SUKMUM thingy. That's why I dreamt she was shouting at me. Haha

WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT SOFTBALL? :/





Ha! Poyo je. Tak sampai seminggu xde sofbol, kau dah gila meroyan. GILA. Haha

Reserves Players, you're still my no 1!

To Fatin, Aiman, Iman, Effa and Fizah

Eventhough korang just pemain simpanan for this year's SUKMUM, but remember that, you guys deserve wayyy better than this! I have to admit, actually korang lagi hebat dari aku and korang lagi layak utk jadi first 9th. Klau ikutkan, aku nak trade-in tempat sekejap dgn korg. Sekejap je. Betul. Komitmen korang yg x berbelah bahagi, especially Aiman & Fatin, mmg aku rasa korg deserves jadi main players.

But since seniors lebih diutamakan sbb diorg lagi tau gameplay softball, korg janganlah sedih eh. Aku tau korg selalu rasa aku selalu dpt tempat dlm softball, akulah pelapis Kak Qilah, akulah yang pandai bermain, akulah rapat ngan Kak Qilah.

But trust me. Its not true! Not one bit. Aku bukannya pelapis Kak Qilah sbb aku x cukup layak, I sucks at softball and lastly, aku mmg tak pernah rapat dgn dia eventhough korg nmpk kitorg MACAM rapat
(And please aku bukan kaki bodek)

Korang sendiri nmpk kan what happened time SUKMUM haritu. Seriously, aku pun rasa marah sangat ngan diri aku smpaikan rasa mcm x bleh nk memaafkan diri sendiri

Enough about that. What I'm trying to say is, sabar ye kawan2 ku. Kita chill dulu. Tahun depan masih ada, in shaa Allah. And aku harap sangat2 korg still akan main :)

On the day itself

For those who want to read the whole story of 3rd residential college women's softball, checkout this link

http://marshmallowlembut.blogspot.com/2012/12/good-job-torpedo.html?m=1

Its from the pitcher's perspective

Should I?

Should I try? Should I try? Should I try the try-out?

But I'm still in my phobia state. I don't know whether I should try to join them. But heart says yes, but my mind says no.

Especially after what had happened on last Saturday, on SUKMUM, I don't think I could handle that kind of feeling again

But I really, REALLY do want to polish my skills. I want to learn. I want to be better than before. I want to be really good at something. I want to be great at something! I WANT TO DISCOVER MY NATURAL TALENT

My fear is that by the time I'll realize it, it will be too late. Like softball :(

1st December 2012

This year's December was not a good start for me :(

Yesterday, on the 1st December, a SUKMUM for softballs game was held. To make the story short, we didn't make it to the finals. Oh heck, we didn't even make it to semi-final! And the worst part is, it is all because of me! Can you imagine what it feels like to let all your teammates down? To be the worst player on the team? Who has cost the team to lose? TO DISAPPOINT YOUR CAPTAIN? If you know what it feels like, then you'll know how frustrated I am, and how I mad at myself for that.

I've got no one to blame but myself. I should have tried harder, I should have catch the ball, I should have hit the ball

Sukmum

Hati berdengup kencang sementara menunggu solat fardhu Subuh dan kawasan2 yg sewaktu dengannya. Haha

Okay, seriously right now, I can feel my heart pounding like its gonna burst out! My heart starts racing, my blood starts rushing in, adrenaline starts to kick in. Oh God, I can't remember the last time I have this kind of feeling.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku. Tolong permudahkan segala uruasan kami pada esok hari dan mudah-mudahan permainan kami dirahmati serta tolong benarkan & berikan aku dan pasukanku berjaya mengondol pingat emas sekaligus menjuarai sukan sofbol wanita utk Sukmum pada tahun ini. AMIN

AMIN, Amin, Ya Rabbal'alamin