It started wayyy back then.
It started when I'm in kindergarten :
- I don't have many friends when I'm in kindergarten. I was 4 years old back then. I tried to make friends, but they all seemed like doesn't like me. The way they looked at me, like somewhat, I'm a weirdo. Of course, we were kids back then, they didn't know what they were doing. And like any other kid, I'm an optimistic. I don't care what they think of me, as long as I have someone to hang out with.
(During this time, I didn't take it seriously because I have the love of my family. Especially my mum)
- And I did. Well, at least when I'm 6 years old, I've finally managed to get some friends. And they were my best friends back then.
When I'm in middle school :
- My glory days were when I'm in standard 1 - standard 3. I was very happy during this time. VERY HAPPY. I have 4 best friends, my academic was quite okay, my family was...... I feel happy with my family.
- Then, standard 4 came. My friends and I had to split classes. We weren't as close as before. I've tried to make new friends, but still, can't compare to my friendship with them.
High school :
- A normal girl. Just a typical Malay girl founded some friends, A GOOD FRIENDS.
(this part is quite long, so I'll just skip it)
Matrics :
-During the 1st sem, I was quite miserable. My 1st time being away from my family, my home. Can't quite fit in with my roommates. No friends in college. (That's why I hated college meeting/activities). All of my roommates were always with their friends, and left me alone.
- I've cried and cried and cried. Got no one to turn to. I felt embarrased to tell the story to my mum. Until one day she called me, and I've bursted into tears coz I can't hold it any longer. That's the 1st time that she heard me crying. The 1st time she knew I wasn't happy, that I was in misery.
- 2nd sem, is wayy better than the 1st one because I've finally got to know my classmates even better. The more I hanged out with them, the more I love them! We were inseparable. Always went to cubicle together, spent time together. Lets just say, they are the best thing that I have since I was in KMPh. This is one of the time where I've feel loved by my friends since a very long time.
Uni :
- (I'll just leave this alone for a time being)
Even though I still keep in touch with my matrics' friends, but its not the same as having a conversation with them in real life. Yes, we do whatsapp-ed, tweets, wall each other. But it's just not the same as meeting them. In social network I can't feel their love, but in real life, then only I can.
As for my family, I don't want to talk much bout them....... But long story short, I don't feel their love like I used to.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Love Deficiency
Dear Diary,
Is there a thing such as Love Deficiency?
Because if it exist, I think I might have it.
Why? How come?
...........................................................................
because in this very moment, I've realised that the main reason why I feel unhappy for a long, long time is that I can't feel that I'm loved by someone.
It doesn't make any sense, right?
Trust me, I don't think it'll make any sense at first. But then, after having that thought, suddenly... my playlist (yeah, I was listening to some tunes while thinking) , suddenly my playlist plays 'I Need Your Love' by Ellie Goulding.
its like a sign somehow..... then, I gave it another thought. That's when I started to accept that actually I just want to feel to be loved to be happy.
Why?
Lets just say, I don't feel loved neither at home or school.
why?
Let me explain it in my next post
Is there a thing such as Love Deficiency?
Because if it exist, I think I might have it.
Why? How come?
...........................................................................
because in this very moment, I've realised that the main reason why I feel unhappy for a long, long time is that I can't feel that I'm loved by someone.
It doesn't make any sense, right?
Trust me, I don't think it'll make any sense at first. But then, after having that thought, suddenly... my playlist (yeah, I was listening to some tunes while thinking) , suddenly my playlist plays 'I Need Your Love' by Ellie Goulding.
its like a sign somehow..... then, I gave it another thought. That's when I started to accept that actually I just want to feel to be loved to be happy.
Why?
Lets just say, I don't feel loved neither at home or school.
why?
Let me explain it in my next post
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
I hate it here!
I want to go home!
I can't stand 'em!
I hate this college. Seriously. I used to like it, but now, I don't!
It's not this college who's at fault actually. Its the residents. I don't like them. Well, not all of them. But them, them who's like so kekampungan, so shallow, I hated them.
I've tried to be friendly, but they rebuffed me. So, its not my fault obviously. I don't know what's their problem. I've tried to make friends with them, but they just ignored me.
I don't know what is it with me and friends? It seems so hard for me to make friends here, in this college to be precise.
yes, I know I like to complain all the time. But this? This college is the root to all of my problems right now.
And I hate it.
I want to go home!
I can't stand 'em!
I hate this college. Seriously. I used to like it, but now, I don't!
It's not this college who's at fault actually. Its the residents. I don't like them. Well, not all of them. But them, them who's like so kekampungan, so shallow, I hated them.
I've tried to be friendly, but they rebuffed me. So, its not my fault obviously. I don't know what's their problem. I've tried to make friends with them, but they just ignored me.
I don't know what is it with me and friends? It seems so hard for me to make friends here, in this college to be precise.
yes, I know I like to complain all the time. But this? This college is the root to all of my problems right now.
And I hate it.
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